Finding the location inside
Sometimes i like looking at the way we interact with the world around us and pretend to see the patterns, shapes and designs that these interactions can create. If we could chart our movements during one whole day we'd see an interesting depiction of the lines that crossed, jumped, were held in place and those that shuffled around space. I'm pretty certain each one of us would have a unique movement signature that reflected who we were at that moment. I see these patterns as holding a story in place, at creating the boundaries of a reality that can often be at odds with our own.
I apply this same perspective to our inner world, the one within the defined boundaries of the body and i begin to see some patterns forming. When i pay attention to thoughts they sometimes seem like arrows, piercing quickly through space, but also like spirals at times, corkscrewing themselves in. At times, thoughts can also seem like fireworks, exploding and ramifying into thousands of other thoughts, taking us in multiple directions at the same time. Emotions seem to create other types of patterns, sometimes they seem like waves wrapping and tightening around us, creating cords tight enough for funambulists to walk on or loose and floppy that lasso you in without your notice. Words create different patterns as well, sometimes they feel like shattered glass piercing their shards in places we thought we had hidden and others like smooth and furry blankets enveloping and holding safety in place. I imagine taking a picture of these patterns we create and being able to chart them, creating configurations of all sorts.
I began to explore the location of my own configuration with myself in the midst of it all. By this i mean the space within me that feels central to my experience of the moment i am in. Even as i write this i notice how elusive this seems. I struggle to find it because its focus is internal and its movement reference is only itself. It's easy to overlook when i'm being swept, wrapped and riding one of the many loops, the patterns running at all times. I find that it helps to be still for a moment and to notice the boundaries of the space around me. The breath becomes key as it opens the portal to the tiny experience of being right here, right now. I begin to see it as an actual location within me, a platform or space that is steady and central and that once found, changes the vantage point and interaction with the world around me.
I realize that it feels very physical, this tiny space within me, as if it had an actual location in time and space. So i move and i search for the spot where this experience of steadiness and grounding can be felt. I wonder if you can try this right now. Begin by noticing what's happening all around you, become aware of the thoughts circling through your mind right now, notice the emotions you're resting on and the sensations in your body at this time. Now imagine being able to be still for a moment and move your awareness inside, slowly as if you were searching for an actual place. You might need to adjust your body, a shift here, a movement there, making space for the subtle experience of yourself at this moment in time. You might notice how it can both settle and lighten your awareness at the same time, creating a weight that holds it all in place. You at the center of you and deeply connected to everything else. It can feel, however brief, however subtle, like an alignment of sorts. So try this practice anytime, anywhere and notice the shifts in location that it can create.